


Alliance

by Chels17



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-05-22 14:18:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6082533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chels17/pseuds/Chels17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story picks up right after the season 2 finale and throws Clarke into the world of the Grounders. She learns more about their history, traditions, and superstitions as she tries to find where she belongs. Neither Clarke nor Lexa can deny how they feel for each other, and they explore what it means for them to have a relationship while being the leaders of their people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Fresh Start

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! This is my first time here at AO3. I've written a few stories at fanfiction.net, including this one, so I've decided to post the first 7 chapters all at once for you, since they are finished and posted there. I started it back in December before season 3 began, so you'll see from the beginning that it takes a different path, yet hopefully one you'll find intriguing. I'm planning to update again soon, but let me know what you think so far!

When Clarke had walked away from Bellamy and Camp Jaha earlier that day, she certainly hadn't planned on ending up where she now stood. She felt innumerable emotions course through her body as she stood in the same place as before, staring up at the vast entrance to Mount Weather.

It was here that she had felt the dogged determination to free her people, the calm of having Lexa's strength by her side, the thrill of cutting the mountain's power, the panic when the bomb's detonator didn't work, the utter devastation at Lexa's betrayal, the emptiness at seeing the entire Grounder army retreat with her own people not far behind, the suspense of going into Mount Weather alone without a plan, the joy at seeing Bellamy still alive, the horror of seeing friends and her own mother getting drilled into, the gravity of choosing to kill hundreds to save her dozens, the happy relief of seeing her friends returned without a single Sky Person killed that night, the sense of loss for not knowing what she could have done differently, the heavy weight of being the one everyone looked to in times of need, and the resolution of knowing it was finally time to leave her people because they would be okay without her.

Clarke looked to where Lexa had stood when she revealed that she had struck a deal with the Mountain Men. The Grounder captives would be freed and she would retreat, leaving Clarke and her people to fend for themselves - most likely to die. She could recall with perfect clarity the smug look on Emerson's face, while Lexa's showed little emotion at all. Cold. Unfeeling.

Clarke shook her head at the memory. How could she have let herself trust Lexa so much? Sure, it had been great for a while - having an ally, confidante, a friend even, and one who could have maybe become something more. But she should have known Lexa's people would always come first. She will always choose her head over her heart when it comes to fulfilling her calling as Commander. But was that so wrong? Clarke imagined how she would have reacted if it were so easy for her to remove emotion from her decisions. Maybe she would have congratulated Lexa on such a successful ceasefire. Clarke shook her head again. No, she still couldn't justify what Lexa had done. Even if it was a strategic tactical move that made logical sense, it didn't change the fact that she had broken their truce. That truce was the reason why Finn died. Well, that really came about because he massacred 18 innocent people. And Finn said he had done it for Clarke. Why was it that she always seemed to be the reason for the awful things that happened? She shuddered at the thought of how many people were dead because of her...

Clarke snapped back to the present. She couldn't bear to think about all that for long. Though she may not have initially planned to come to Mount Weather, she knew why she was here. The bunker was loaded with provisions that would enable her to set off on her own for whatever path she chose. She cringed at the thought of what she would find upon entering the mountain again.

So many bodies. Innocent people. Horrific, painful deaths. All by her hand.

But Clarke gritted her teeth and braced herself. Most of the dead were in the dining hall and she would avoid that place as much as possible. Her sole consolation came from knowing the dead would soon be taken care of, and it would be done with great care and respect. Kane had assured her of that when she had spoken with him earlier that morning...

_"Marcus, I have a favor to ask you."_

_The former Councillor's eyebrows raised in surprise at seeing Clarke burst into the room, dressed as though she were preparing for a long journey. He noted the sense of urgency in her tone and put down the map he had been studying._

_"Anything, Clarke. What do you need?" This girl - woman - had just saved him and so many others from certain death. He was in no position to deny his aid._

_"Sometime soon I need you to lead a group back to Mount Weather to take care of the dead who are there. We can't leave them there to rot - most of them deserve far better than that. And don't ask anyone to go if they can't handle it.”_

Clarke made quick work of obtaining supplies for her journey; she wanted to be in and out of that hell hole as soon as possible. After about twenty minutes of foraging, she had claimed a backpack, flashlight, gloves, matches, medical supplies, extra ammo, and enough dried meat and fruit to last several days. She quickly packed her newfound possessions along with the few she had brought from Camp Jaha: her gun, knife, bedroll, blanket, and water canteen.

Clarke now stood once again outside the vast fortress that had once been so intimidating but now was a mountain of death she wished she could forget. She turned away, silently praying she would never have to look at that place again. And now looking out upon the vast ground surrounding her, Clarke felt a little more free. It would be a long time before she could make peace with all the blood on her hands - if peace were ever meant to be in her life - but the one thought that kept Clarke from going completely insane was knowing that she would do it all again. Anything for her people.

Clarke was surprised at the relief she now felt at realizing she wasn't leading her people anymore. No one was looking to her to save their lives or make the hard choices that slowly chipped away at her sanity and humanity. She had burned alive 300 Grounder warriors at the Dropship. She had mercy-killed the boy she loved and felt his last breath fall upon her neck. She had let 250 people get blown away by a missile in Tondc. And finally, she had pulled a simple lever that delivered heart-stopping levels of radiation to 382 others. There were literally more than a thousand people dead because of the choices she had made.

Clarke could feel a nervous breakdown threatening to consume her and took a long, deep breath. She had to do something, go somewhere, to bury her grief and allow herself to become reborn. Then it struck her. Clarke knew where she needed to go next to find that rebirth. She pulled a map out of her pocket that Lexa had given her when they first joined their forces. It was a map disclosing the locations of each Grounder tribe. Polis caught her eye, knowing that Lexa was sure to be headed to the capital soon. Clarke still felt this inexplicable pull toward the Commander and she despised that. This woman had betrayed her and her people. Lexa had said she made that decision with her head and not her heart, but it was still definitely personal to Clarke. There was no way in hell she was going there - not until she had sorted out these emotions and was prepared to confront her. That was one reunion she was not looking forward to. Clarke scanned the map once more until her gaze found her destination: Clarke was going to the Ice Nation.


	2. Cold-Hearted

Lexa’s head snapped up as she heard footsteps rapidly approaching her tent. She and Indra rose to their feet as a young scout came bursting in.

“Heda,” he breathed. “They are alive. All of them.” Lexa recoiled in surprise and placed a hand on the table she had been sitting at to steady herself. Relief immediately flooded her entire being but she concealed the emotion.

Indra spoke, sounding both shocked and perturbed. “How is that possible?”

“I do not know,” the scout replied, clearly in awe. “I certainly did not come close enough to the Sky People’s camp to ask questions, but I heard murmurs that the Mountain Men are all dead.”

“Are you positive?” Lexa asked with a sense of urgency.

“Yes, they were all speaking of it. And I saw the Sky People captives myself. They were all recovered.”

“Impossible,” Indra murmured. “Not only did we retreat, but the entirety of the Sky People’s army did as well.”

“Not the entirety,” Lexa clarified.

Indra’s eyebrows raised. “The only people foolish enough to stay were Clarke and Octavia.”

“And they had their spy within Mount Weather,” the scout pointed out.

Indra scoffed. “So we are to believe that three Sky People brought down the Mountain?”

A ghost of a grin flickered across the Commander’s face. “Well, I dare say they are three of the most exceptional of the Sky People.” Lexa willed all of her energy into appearing stoic, masking the sheer joy she felt at hearing that Clarke was alive. She quickly turned from Indra’s questioning gaze back to the scout. “Did you glean any other information?”

“Only that Clarke left the camp early the next morning. I don’t believe she announced her departure to many, and I do not know of her destination.”

Lexa just nodded, clearly not surprised by this turn of events.

The scout remained a few moments longer than necessary, unsure of whether to voice his thoughts or not.

“Well?” Indra probed impatiently. She was obviously disconcerted and a bit disbelieving about the news they had just received. “Have you something more to say?”

Lexa raised a hand of warning toward Indra, effectively smothering her bad temper without a word.

The scout turned toward his leader. “It’s just that... Do you think Clarke of the Sky People will come for you, Commander?”

Indra couldn’t help speaking up again. “If she is on her own, as you say, she would be a greater fool than I had thought if she were to come here alone and attempt to reconcile a personal vendetta.”

Lexa didn’t bother humoring Indra with a response. She turned to the scout. “I don’t believe Clarke will be seeking us out just yet. If what you say is true, I think she left on her own to be on her own - for now at least. She will have to come to terms with the consequences of whatever choices she made at the Mountain.” _Just as I am trying to do,_ she thought to herself.

* * *

Clarke felt goosebumps prickle across her skin as she reached the top of the tall hill she had climbed, and it wasn’t because of the cold. Dead ahead lay what must be the main village of the Ice Nation. This new landscape was dusted in powdery, fresh snow - something Clarke had never seen before. Clarke noted the vast spiked wooden wall surrounding the site. In that moment fear gripped her, and she wondered what in the world she had been thinking to come to this place. But Clarke knew why she was here. She needed change. She needed revenge. And she needed answers.

Clarke had extended a trip that would have taken days into weeks, taking the time she needed to be on her own. She was ready now to begin this next phase of her journey. She would be lying to herself if she didn’t admit the fact that part of the reason she had come to the Ice Nation was to hurt Lexa. Clarke knew these people were the most difficult for her to control, and that it was only through a great deal of bloodshed that they were brought into the Coalition of the 12 tribes in the first place. But more than all that, it was the queen of the Ice Nation who was responsible for the torture and murder of Lexa’s past love, Costia. What did Clarke really know about Lexa’s past anyway? She had only heard the Commander’s side of things... Clarke began to wonder if she had only been told partial truths... She hoped she would find some answers here.

She took a deep breath and braced herself for whatever was about to come. Clarke cringed at the thought of getting struck with an arrow before she even got to the gate because they didn’t know who she was. _Or because they do know who I am._ She approached and the two sentries standing on the wall on either side of the entrance raised their bows, aimed right at her heart.

“Halt!” cried the guard on her left. “State your name and purpose in coming here.”

Clarke pulled the hood off her head and observed the surprise displayed on the sentries’ faces as they registered who she was.

“I am Clarke of the Sky People, and I seek refuge among your clan. I have needed to come someplace where I can clear my mind and try to move past the hell I’ve lived through the past few months. If that is too great a favor, I just ask for a place to stay the night and to restock my supplies.”

The first guard who had spoken looked to the one on the right. Some wordless communication passed between them as the second guard nodded, then left.

Clarke turned to look at the remaining guard. He addressed her again: “You will remain as you are. The question of your entrance is being discussed.”

Clarke just nodded and folded her arms, wishing they would make this quick. The waiting only reminded her of how cold she was. She had brought along the warmest clothes she could find, but she was fairly certain that her survival against the cold now depended on these people bringing her in.

Only about two minutes had passed when the tall gate began to swing open. Standing in the entrance was the sentry who had left to make her presence known. “Follow me, Clarke of the Sky People,” he called.

Clarke simply nodded and approached the intimidating wall. When she arrived, the guard added, “I will take you the leader of our nation, Queen Nia. She has greatly anticipated the chance to meet you.”

Clarke’s eyebrows raised in mild interest, unsure if this was good news or not. She didn’t have much time to ponder this, however, before she was distracted by what she now observed. Before today Clarke had only seen the Grounder villages of the Woods Clan, and she was eager to take in as much as she could of this new sight.

Soon villagers began to take notice of the newcomer, and their reactions were immediate. Most had confused or shocked expressions, and then the whispers began. Clarke could hear her name murmured throughout the crowd, but the rest was lost to her as she could not yet understand Trigedasleng very well apart from a few phrases.

Clarke sped up her pace just enough so that she was right behind the guard. She wasn’t sure what these people were saying - some appeared awe-struck, but even in the day’s fading light she could see that most didn’t look too fond of her. Clarke wanted to remind them that it was their Commander who betrayed her people - not the other way around. She wasn’t even sure if the Arkers had had any kind of interaction with these people before.

In her distraction Clarke almost ran into the guard when he stopped abruptly at the entrance of a vast stone edifice. It wasn’t very tall, but it appeared to spread across an area equal to ten of the modest cottages she had seen throughout the village. She was about to say something to him when she heard a woman’s voice call from within the tent: “Enter, Clarke of the Sky People.”

Clarke looked to the guard who nodded and pulled open the entrance for her. She gingerly stepped over the threshold and viewed her host. Queen Nia appeared to be very tall, but at the moment she was seated in a large, wooden, throne-like chair with ornate carvings on every surface. The ruler had very fair skin and hair, which contrasted sharply with her red lips and dark eyes. She had a piercing, almost menacing gaze that was offset by an amused expression.

“Ah, here you are. Finally. What a pleasant surprise it was for me to hear that the infamous Clarke Griffin from the Sky had decided to grace my humble home with her presence.”

 _This is what you call humble?_ Clarke gave a slight bow of her head. “Queen Nia, thank you for allowing me into your home. I suppose you have already heard why I am here?”

“I only know what you told my guard. That you are looking for a change of scenery, if you will. I imagine it has something with needing to get away from the carnage you left behind?”

Clarke winced at how nonchalantly this woman referred to the nightmare that was never far from her thoughts. “You have heard about Mount Weather?”

“But of course, my dear,” Nia responded with a knowing smile. “Bear in mind that you have not been seen for weeks and word travels fast, even among those of us... less favored clans. You have become something of a legend - some days you are rumored to have killed hundreds, other days it’s thousands. Many tribespeople across the lands fear you; some are even hunting you.”

That last bit of news startled Clarke. “Hunting me?”

“Indeed. There are those who have witnessed the devastation that is so frequently left in your wake, and they feel you are too dangerous to have around. But do not worry, clever girl, you are safe from them here. Inferior minds always feel threatened but those they do not understand.”

Clarke could not shake how uneasy she felt around this woman. Queen Nia reminded her of the few porcelain dolls she had seen on the Ark. Though they were old and chipped by that time, she imagined them in their original state: perfectly smooth, bright white, with eyes that didn’t close and a smile too perfect to be believable. And the queen’s words were like candy that was laced with poison.

“And _you_ understand me?” Clarke asked, not bothering much to hide the incredulity in her tone.

That same too-sweet grin played across the queen’s lips. “I understand more than you may perceive. I believe all you have ever wanted, Clarke, is the safety and wellbeing of your people. You are willing to even sacrifice yourself for their good, including taking upon yourself the burdens of leadership and making the hard choices that allow them to keep their lives. There are few you truly trust, and it seems that each person you let in gets hurt or hurts you. Right now you feel alone. That’s why you have been wandering for weeks and it’s why you have come here now, to a place that had not yet been touched by the Sky. You also come seeking answers.”

A silence rested between them both as Clarke processed everything the queen had said.

“Well?” Nia asked. “How was that? An accurate assessment? Or was I far from the mark?”

“Not far at all,” Clarke unwillingly admitted. “But why do you care? Why are you so hospitable to me when it most everyone else - even some of my own people - seem to want me dead?”

Nia finally stood and approached Clarke. She took Clarke’s hands in hers and Clarke shivered at the contact but couldn’t avoid meeting her gaze. “I care because I see so much of myself in you. I feel that we are something of kindred spirits, and I wish to help you pursue your goals. I see the sparks of a great leader in you, young Clarke. I can help foster the talent you already have.”

Clarke was somehow both intrigued and terrified by this woman, but she didn’t want to reveal either emotion. Not just yet. “Thank you, Your Majesty...”

The queen waved off her words. “Please, Clarke, you can just call me Nia. No need for such formalities between us.”

Clarke nodded and corrected herself. “Thank you, Nia. I have to be honest with you, though; right now I am not seeking to be a leader at all. I don’t want any part of that. I do want my people to be happy, as you said, and right now I think the best way to facilitate that is for me to be gone. I never wanted to have all that responsibility. I don’t know what my future holds, but for now that is not a goal I am pursuing. Right now all I want is a place to stay and sort out what I need to do next.”

Nia nodded, clearly a bit put out, but still in good humor. “Of course. You must forgive my overzealous plans. I have just heard so much about you and envision you playing a great part in this world.”

Clarke didn’t know how to respond. She had never been held in such high regard by someone of such a position, let alone one whom she had never even met before.

Nia sensed the girl’s slight discomfort and spoke again, “And do you have anything you would like to ask of me? I am at your service.” She gave a slight bow.

Clarke continued to be stunned by the oversized porcelain doll before her, and couldn’t help feeling like she was being buttered up. What could this woman possibly stand to gain by being so willing to help her? Clarke decided to ask the question that had been nagging her more than any other, and one that just might reveal a bit more about the doll.

“Alright,” Clarke began. “Tell me about the Commander.”

Nia’s reaction was nearly imperceptible; she had trained herself well to disguise her emotions, but this clearly wasn’t quite the question she was anticipating.

“Ah, you want to know about our _fearless_ leader.” All the warmth had left her words.

“Yes,” Clarke responded firmly. “I want to understand more about the culture and history of your people, and I figured the best way to start would be at the top. What do you know about her?”

“Besides the fact that she betrayed you and left you to die?” Nia asked pointedly.

Clarke sensed that the queen was trying to elicit an emotional response from her, but she didn’t allow one to show.

“Yes,” Clarke commented dryly. “I clearly didn’t understand her well enough to anticipate that she would desert our alliance, so I need to know her better.”

Nia seemed pleased with this answer. “True, though I’ll warn you now that it is difficult to understand all the facets of a traitor. I have experienced that with her firsthand.” Nia took a deep breath. “There is a great deal to know about the Commander. It would take days to tell you everything I know, but I’m afraid until I know you better there is only so much I can share. Is there something more specific you are curious about?”

Clarke paused thoughtfully, trying to weigh the pros and cons of the question she was burning to ask the queen. She decided to throw caution to the wind.

“What can you tell me about Costia?”

Nia stiffened at the mention of Costia’s name and spoke through gritted teeth. “Well, you are just full of surprises. I think two questions will be quite enough for tonight, but I will humor you with this answer. I must admit I’m surprised you know of Costia. Lexa told you about her?”

Clarke nodded.

“Curious... I doubt she has told many of her former lover. I believe it’s still something of a soft spot for our stoic Commander.”

Nia looked at Clarke questioningly, and she hoped she hadn’t overplayed her hand by bringing up Costia.

Nia continued, “I imagine Lexa knew she needed your trust and used her sad story as leverage for your loyalty.”

Clarke was continually appalled by this woman’s obvious apathy - at least towards Lexa.

“And did the Commander tell you how the girl was killed?” Nia asked.

Clarke willed herself to hide the disgust she felt building up inside her. She was looking into the face of the woman who had Costia tortured, murdered, and beheaded. And all for secrets the girl didn’t even know.

Clarke kept her face expressionless. “I only know that it was done on your command. I guess I’m just curious as to why.”

Nia shook her head and feigned a laugh. “You truly are a clever girl. I’m not even sure how I let this conversation come to this point. I’m afraid I cannot disclose to you all those details. It was a dark and troublesome time when our entire way of life was being threatened. We had no need of forming an alliance with the other clans. Who was Lexa to forcefully assert her visions of grandeur on our people? Lexa may have allowed you to be privy to some of her secrets, but here’s one I’m guessing she didn’t tell you. The Commander poses as a lifelong member of the Woods Clan, but that treacherous girl was raised and trained within the walls of this very village.”

Clarke couldn’t suppress her shock at this revelation.

“That’s right,” Nia sneered. “She deserted her own people just as she deserted yours. Do you see a pattern here? She knows nothing of loyalty and honor. Why would I want to unite my people with a warrior without scruples? Don’t let the Commander deceive you, Clarke; all Lexa has ever pursued is her own agenda, no matter the cost.”

Nia started to move away from Clarke but then turned back.

“And as for Costia... Well, even if the girl didn’t know her lover’s secrets, she was the one who planted the seeds of rebellion in the heart of one of my greatest warriors. That was reason enough to punish and execute her.”

Nia took a deep breath and rested a hand on the hilt of the sword that was sheathed at her side. “Now leave me, Clarke. You’ve put me in a foul mood and I don’t think it’s in either of our best interest to continue this conversation. Good night.”

Nia practically spat out those last words and Clarke immediately left, though she desperately wanted to ask where she was supposed to sleep. She shivered as she stepped into the night air, a bit frightened that she didn’t know her way around the village, nor knew of a place to get some rest from her travels and respite from the weather.

Her head was spinning from the flood of information she had just gained, but the feeling overpowering the others in Clarke’s mind was confusion. Was everything Nia had told her true? And was everything Lexa had ever told her true?

Clarke was ambling aimlessly on a dirt path near several cottages in the village. Anywhere she saw a person they immediately disappeared around a corner or into their homes. Clarke felt like she was about to give in to the despair and hopelessness that were threatening to overwhelm her when she heard an urgent whisper call out to her.

“Girl, come here! I can give you shelter for the night. You’ll freeze to death if you stay out there.”

Clarke turned toward the man’s voice, surprised, and shook her head. “I don’t think you know who I am. You don’t want me with you.”

“You are Clarke of the Sky People, no?”

Clarke slowly nodded. Was it possible she had stumbled across one person who didn’t want to send a spear through her heart? “Then you don’t mind who I am or what I’ve done?”

She approached the small cottage and saw the man shake his head. “No, I do not mind. My name is Erik, by the way. And you need not fear the other villagers; most of them are just afraid of you - not hostile.”

Clarke’s eyebrows raised as she glanced over the man she could now see more clearly from the light of his home. He was likely in his sixties, had graying hair, and Clarke was surprised to see that he leaned on a crutch because one of his legs extended only to the knee. He was tall, had tattoos and scars covering his body, and still appeared very strong despite his physical limitations. Clarke imagined he had once been a great warrior.

“Besides,” the man continued, “I believe I can give you what you are seeking.”

“Is that so?” Clarke answered, a bit amused. “And what is it you think I am seeking?”

“Apart from shelter? I believe you are seeking answers, many of them related to the Commander.”

Clarke didn’t bother hiding her surprise, but she was still skeptical of the strange, old man. “And what makes you think you can give me those answers?”

“Because I know Lexa. I raised her.”


	3. Answers

Clarke leaned over the old wooden table where she sat, cupping her chin with one hand as she listened intently to Erik’s stories. She smiled as she realized how totally at ease she felt there - much different than in Queen Nia’s abode.

At first Erik was worried he would tire Clarke with his tales, but she had assured him that anything he told her would give her a better understanding of the Grounder culture, which would enable her to help her people acclimate to their new life on the here. She also wanted to learn anything she could about Lexa, and what better place than where she was raised?

Clarke mostly listened, nodding along, laughing or gasping at appropriate times, and occasionally asking a question to further probe the old man’s memory.

Erik had told her about his childhood and training as a warrior and how he had lost his leg in a vicious battle eight years ago. He then sighed and smiled. “You have been a rapt audience for an old man’s ramblings. I think it’s time to give you a little more of what you’ve been seeking.”

“Lexa?” Clarke asked. She couldn’t deny how anxious she was to see the Commander through the eyes of the man who had raised her. She was still furious that Lexa had betrayed her and left her to die, but knowing her better would help Clarke get inside her mind.

Erik nodded. “Yes, about my daughter. Well, I suppose Lexa is not my biological daughter, though after all this time she feels like my own flesh and blood. Her parents died before she ever really knew them. I fought alongside her father in many, many battles until the one that took his life. Lexa was only two years old at the time, and her dear mother was laid to rest in a grave beside his only five months later when she suffered complications during a premature childbirth to the brother Lexa never got to meet.”

Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed in concern. “That’s awful. I’ve only had to go through my father’s death, but at least I was able to spend sixteen years with him.”

Erik sighed. “Yes, young Lexa was surrounded by death and sorrow from such an early age. But in spite of that she always had such a light about her and brought joy to many in our village.”

Clarke couldn’t help the smirk that came to her face. “Really?” she asked in mild disbelief. “The Lexa I’ve seen is brooding and harsh.”

Erik’s eyes narrowed as he studied Clarke. “But is that really all you’ve seen in her?”

Clarke paused thoughtfully for a moment. “I suppose not. But that is most of what I’ve seen. The unyielding, cutthroat, truce-breaking Commander. But I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I’ve seen her quick smiles and flashes of excitement that make her seem like a normal, young girl.” Clarke smiled in spite of herself at the few, fleeting good memories she had of the Commander. _And that kiss..._ “But she certainly doesn’t show much of that side these days.”

Erik nodded. “She can’t afford to. She is our Heda. The first warrior to ever unite all twelve clans. Our very lives as we now enjoy them completely rely on Lexa maintaining this peace I could hardly dream of even ten years ago.”

“How did Lexa become the Commander? How did she manage to bring all the clans into an alliance?”

“Ah, that is a very good question, but I’m afraid that is not my tale to tell. And in all honesty I do not know all of the details myself, though I do know that much blood was shed to give us the Coalition.”

Clarke was a bit disappointed with that answer. It was the most burning question she had about the fierce, young leader. “Then what _can_ you tell me about Lexa?”  
  
“I can tell you about the Lexa I know best. The young girl who became the greatest young warrior our nation has ever seen.”

Erik took a deep breath and his gaze fell beyond Clarke, seeming to look to some unknown source for the words he was trying to formulate.

“I suppose my story with Lexa begins soon after her mother’s death. I volunteered to take her in for a time until a permanent home could be found for her. I certainly had not planned on raising her as my own. My wife had died four years earlier from a terrible sickness that plagued our village and took many of our people. I was left to raise my son Augie, and he was already 18 years old when Lexa came to stay with us. I worried that he wouldn’t take kindly to the idea of a little girl running around a warrior’s home, but I was amazed to see that my son’s warmth was brought out whenever the girl was around.” Erik laughed at the memory. “She had him wrapped around her little finger, and I would often come home to find Augie telling her grand stories or running around with her on his shoulders. It was the first I had seen my son truly laugh or show compassion since his mother had passed away. It didn’t take long for us both to agree that we wanted to keep her.”

“Augie and I both saw Lexa’s potential to be a great warrior from a young age. It was clear she was not destined to become an apprentice to a tradesperson. I carved a wooden sword for her when she was four years old and Augie taught her how to spar. Over the next year her reflexes and instincts proved to be very impressive, and we started her in the first training group for our young warriors when she was five years old. She developed her skills incredibly fast, and within just a few years she was already training with those who were many years her senior.”

“I believe that!” Clarke interjected. “She truly is an amazing warrior.” Clarke could just picture a miniature Lexa swiftly taking down opponents twice her size and making it look effortless.

“But there was so much more to her as well,” Erik continued. “From a young age Lexa was very selfless and humble, despite the praise she constantly received for her intellect and skill. And probably more than anything else, Lexa loved to read.”

“Really?” Clarke asked. “I guess I just assumed not many Grounders knew how to read, if any. I’ve never noticed books anywhere and your maps I’ve seen don’t have words.”

Erik lifted one finger, telling Clarke to wait. He picked up his crutch and limped his way across the room. He reached under his bed and slid out a box that contained around three dozen books. Clarke gasped with joy and ran to join him. She hovered over the book spines, practically inhaling each title.

She gasped again. “Tom Sawyer! That’s the only book here I recognize, and we had this one on the Ark. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve read it!” By the well-worn pages and covers of each book it was obvious they had been just as used.

Erik chuckled. “I’m glad to see you love books just as much as we do! That is a rarity here, unfortunately.”

Clarke was confused. “You mean other Grounders don’t like books?”

“It’s not so much a matter of liking books or not, but being able to read them.”

“Oh. You don’t teach the children to read? How did you learn?”

“I’m afraid we really don’t have a school system established - at least, not like the ones this area had a century ago. We teach our children how to survive, and the lucky ones also learn a trade that makes them essential in their community. I was fortunate to be taught how to read by my mother, who had been taught by her mother, and so on. The books you see here are the slow accumulation of generations of readers in my family. Books are incredibly hard to come by these days, and it seems that because our people have gotten along without having a written language for so long, it hasn’t been much of an issue. Besides, these are all in English, and only our warriors are taught the old language - the language of our former enemy, the Mountain Men.”

Clarke cringed at the mention of the Mountain. She had managed to go for the last hour without thinking about that awful place.

Erik didn’t notice, however, and continued his story.

“Lexa wanted to change all that, though. She was constantly envisioning ways our society could be even better. It was always one of her hopes that everyone would learn English - not just the warriors - and be able to read and write it as well, so that they could read books and learn from our history. She always felt it put us at a great disadvantage to not utilize these great tools.

Another dream Lexa had was for all the clans to one day have peace, so that we could trade and travel freely. Then schools would be built and languages would be studied. Everyone would learn to read and write Trigedasleng along with English.” A look of pride and awe washed over Erik. “She has always been a visionary, my Lexa. Even though what she accomplished with uniting the clans was a monumental feat no one thought would happen, I was not surprised that her strong spirit was the one chosen to bring it about.”

“Wow,” Clarke murmured, a bit awestruck herself. “So as a child Lexa was already imagining the things she’s doing now. That’s incredible.”

Erik smiled at the look of near-reverence on Clarke’s face. “It truly is.” He paused for a minute, stroking his long beard as he was lost in thought.

“I believe there is just one more piece of Lexa’s story for me to tell you. About the one person apart from Augie and myself who she truly loved.”

“Costia,” Clarke whispered.

Erik’s eyes widened. “Yes, Costia. Lexa told you about her? Interesting. She never speaks of her anymore.”

“Lexa told me about Costia as we stood watching the funeral pyre that consumed the body of someone I had loved. She said that she had also lost someone, and told me of the brutal way she was taken. She told me that love was weakness. That’s how she was able to move on after Costia was killed.”

Erik nodded. “There was quite a change in Lexa after Costia was taken from her, which only makes sense considering the change that Costia had first brought into Lexa’s life.”

Clarke remained quiet, listening attentively.

Erik continued, “By 10 years old Lexa was easily the most skilled of the warrior children - boys or girls - and of most the teenagers as well. It was around this time that she first met Costia of the Trikru. In those days, the Trikru and the Ice Nation had a peace treaty and traded frequently with one another. Lexa loved going to the marketplace in our village when the Trikru came once each spring. She had not yet been to a different tribe and so was fascinated to see them. She loved their funny clothes, which usually weren’t well-suited to the cold climate of our home. Their accent and mannerisms were also slightly different, and that intrigued my young, curious girl. Lexa told me she usually kept herself hidden in a tree overlooking the market, since a warrior really had no place there and she would likely be shooed away back to training if she were found.”

“Like I said before, I really don’t know all the details of this story, but I know Costia was an apprentice carpenter at the time, which is why she was at the trade. She had done some exploring of her own and actually found Lexa in the tree she was hiding in. The two girls became fast friends and I still remember how excited Lexa was when she came home that night, telling me all about the funny Trikru girl she had met at the market. Lexa went back to see her the next two days of the trade and was so sad when her new friend had to return home. The girls kept meeting up each spring until after a couple years Lexa was old enough to request being put on the guard detail for our own trade caravan that traveled to the Woods Clan each autumn. Lexa loved the Woods Clan. She was enchanted by the tall trees and the rivers that could be found everywhere. She would come back each time full of life and excitement about her adventures.”

Erik’s smile fell slightly. “Then a couple years later was the last time I saw Lexa before she left our people for good. It was spring and the last day of the trade in our village. That morning Lexa had been unusually quiet and had given me an extra long hug before she left for training. I expected her to come home late as she always did when the trade was in town, but that night she didn’t return at all. I had my suspicions, but they were confirmed the next morning when the head of training came to inquire as to why Lexa hadn’t come after having never missed a training session in her life.”

“When it was discovered that Lexa was not lost or kidnapped but had, in fact, defected, there was such a rage in Nia that I had rarely seen before then. No one from our people had ever left since our clan was first organized, and Lexa had already been on the path to becoming one of our greatest warriors. Queen Nia felt the loss deeply and felt betrayed. I believe she had planned to make Lexa her second.”

Clarke shook her head at the thought. “What a different world this would be if that had actually happened,” she stated.

“I agree. How could we have possibly known then what Lexa was destined to do? But I’ll admit that at the time I was hurt as well, especially because she never told me she planned to leave. But I soon realized Lexa had done it to protect me because Queen Nia immediately came to interrogate Augie and me about her whereabouts. I think Nia only spared our lives because I told her the truth I knew she would eventually find out with or without us. I told her I was sure that Lexa would be found in the Woods Clan. Nia quickly sent a scout to see if Lexa was there and he confirmed it. Nia was furious, and that day marked the end of our peace treaty with the Trikru and the start of a feud that didn’t end until the Coalition was formed. Even still there are hard feelings between our two clans.”

Erik paused for a long time and Clarke yearned to know more of what happened to fill in the missing pieces of the story that was finally starting to take shape for her, but she could sense the pain that was weighing on the old man and didn’t press him further.

Erik’s face was full of sadness when he spoke again. “That was the beginning of some of the darkest days for our nation. It’s always darkest before the dawn, and much blood was shed to bring about the alliance of all the clans, including Costia’s. I suppose I shouldn’t be all that surprised that Lexa told you about her. After all, you are the one person since that time whom Lexa has cared for at all.”

Clarke choked as his last words threw her completely off guard. “I’m sorry,” she coughed as she tried to clear her throat. “What makes you think Lexa cared for me? You know that she betrayed me, don’t you? Broke our alliance? Left me for dead?”

Erik sighed. “Yes, I have heard all that happened, and I heard it from Lexa’s own mouth.”

“Really?” Clarke asked, clearly surprised. “Lexa still comes here?”

“Lexa only comes here if she absolutely has to in her capacity as Commander, but for a long time now we have met up at least twice each year in secret at a place not too far from here.” The old man smiled. “She still insists on seeing me to check in and hear about my monotonous life. She also shares with me what her dreams and plans are for our people, and sometimes even the things she fears. She’ll ask for my counsel and advice, but I think it is only out of respect and the kindness of her heart, because she certainly can handle it all without me. But I believe our meetings are very therapeutic for both of us, especially since my son died and we only have each other.”

“The last time I saw Lexa was actually just two weeks before you arrived here. She told me all about what it was like to meet the Sky People, the alliance that was formed, and how it all fell apart at the Mountain. She told me of a beautiful, kind, and fierce girl who was a leader of the Sky People with whom she truly felt a connection.”

Clarke blushed at the clear allusion to herself. Could it be true that Lexa was speaking so highly of her? But that was soon replaced by an anger welling up inside that she had been fighting to hold back.

“I don’t care about any ‘connection’ we once had. She betrayed me, Erik! She abandoned my people and broke my heart.” Clarke hung her head, a bit embarrassed that she had let so much emotion show. It was clear how much she was still hurting from Lexa’s choice that night.

“I won’t pretend to know how you feel, Clarke, but I do know Lexa and how she feels about you. I also know how entirely devoted she is to our people and the preservation of their lives. So many lives were lost to finally unite us, and she can barely stand the thought of more bloodshed on her hands. She would never reveal that to anyone, and though it may not be readily apparent, the loss of every life is felt deeply by my Lexa. She has such a big heart, but often closes herself off to others because she has already borne so much pain. I’m not trying to say what she did to you was right; I’m also not saying it was wrong. But I do know that she cared about you before and she still does now.”

Clarke sat down again and put her head in her hands. “I don’t know how you expect me to take all that. I can’t stop being furious with Lexa. I’ll admit that I had started to care for her too, but now I don’t think I could stand to see her.”

Erik nodded. “I understand, and I’m not trying to sway you one way or another. I have only wanted to give you some of the answers you were seeking.”

Clarke took a deep breath and let it out, feeling her pulse start to slow back to normal. “I know, and please don’t think me ungrateful, Erik. You have offered me food, shelter, and wonderful company. Thank you. I think I just need to get some sleep now. See you in the morning?”

A slow smile came to Erik’s face. “Of course, my girl. Your bed is there in the next room. Feel free to sleep as long as you like, and to stay here as long as you like, for that matter.”

Clarke returned the smile. “You have already been too kind. I’ll stay for a couple days to rest and figure out what I need to do next. Good night, Erik.”

* * *

Lexa couldn’t sleep that night. She had been mentally reviewing all that had happened the last few weeks, including rumors of rebellion stirring up in the north.

“Heda!”

Lexa rose from the table she had been sitting at and exited the large tent. Her eyebrows raised in surprise as she recognized the rider from the Ice Nation.

“My father? Is he all right?” Her tone was urgent.

“Yes, Heda, your father is just fine. He sent me to bring you word of some news he thought you might be interested in...”

Within five minutes Lexa had given instructions for Indra to follow in her absence, changed into clothes fit for a nomad, mounted her horse, and, along with the Ice Nation rider, fled into the dark night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, glancing over this chapter again makes me giddy because did you guys notice the brief glimpses of BOOKS we've seen in Lexa's room in season 3? I first noticed them in the background of the *swoon* Lexa bowing and swearing fealty scene. And how about that quick split-second we see Lexa in the episode 6 trailer where she's startled awake... Did you see that she's holding a book? Lexa freaking Commander of the 12 (13??) Clans fell asleep reading a book. She's a bookworm just like us, guys. As if I needed another reason to have heart eyes for her. ;)


	4. Reunion

A dozen questions flooded Lexa’s mind as she urged her horse faster. Not only had Clarke been found after going missing three months ago, but she just happened to show up in the house Lexa had grown up in.

_ And why am I going there now? _

Lexa had already been riding at breakneck pace for over an hour, and this was the first time she had actually paused to think about what she was doing. When her father’s trusted rider from the Ice Nation had brought the news of Clarke’s discovery, Lexa hadn’t hesitated at all before leaving. Now she wondered what she expected to find when she arrived. She had been longing for and dreading their reunion, but more than anything she just felt immense relief that Clarke was safe and with her father. Erik would take care of her. Clarke probably had no idea there were Grounders who were hunting her and wanted her dead. Wherever Clarke went she left a wake of destruction and miraculously survived it all. This had given her a near-mythic status among the clans which imbued her with an intangible power that some people saw as a threat that needed to be eliminated.

They rode all through the night until finally arriving at the outskirts of her home village, just beyond where the Commander knew the Ice Nation watch guards would be positioned. Lexa closed her eyes as the first morning rays warmed her face. She motioned for her fellow rider to go on first, and once he began approaching the outer wall she circled back and made her way to her secret refuge. It was a cave to the west of the village, and this was where she held her biannual rendezvous with her father. Coming here was always bittersweet for Lexa. Though she only had positive memories in this place, she had also brought Costia here the last two times she had come to the village. It was the only secret Costia had known that could have potentially compromised her lover, but she had not breathed a word about it, despite the torture she had to endure.

Lexa shook the thought from her mind and quickly changed her clothes into one of several simple outfits she had stored here that would better suit the climate and her need to remain incognita. In the last few years Lexa had become a master of disguise and had secretly infiltrated enemy camps a number of times. She walked to a back corner of the cave where she kept a large metal chest with supplies. She quickly grabbed an axe and stepped outside to chop some firewood. When she returned, Lexa wrapped a scarf around her head to cover all but her eyes, bundled the wood in her arms, and walked toward her old village.

The front gate was kept open during the day to allow the villagers free passage into the nearby woods, but it was always guarded. Lexa kept her gaze focused straight ahead and maintained a leisurely pace as she passed the guards. The scarf kept her scowl hidden from their view as Lexa recognized the guard on her left to be the man who had captured Costia. She shook the thought from her mind as quickly as it had come and continued toward her objective.

The nostalgia of a thousand memories coursed through the Commander’s mind as she approached the front door of her home. She carefully stacked the firewood on the side of the house and nodded in greeting to a villager who passed her on the dirt path. Lexa paused as she raised a hand to push the door open. There was no turning back now. She took a deep breath and entered the home.

Lexa automatically removed her coat and boots upon entering, and though it was early, she saw that Erik was already awake and sitting at his wooden table flipping through an old book. A grin immediately spread across his face when he saw who entered and he stood to welcome her.

“Lexa. You came.”

“Papa.” Lexa returned the smile and rushed into his outstretched arms, and just like that she was four years old again. She let herself melt into his embrace for several seconds before stepping back to look at him.

“Is she still here?”

Erik nodded. “Yes. Go in and see if she’s awake. I’ll go out and get us some firewood.”

“No need. I chopped some before I came. It’s stacked next to the house.”

Erik chuckled. “Of course you did. Well, I think we could use some more.” He winked and left without another word.

Lexa turned in the direction of the curtain that separated her from Clarke and slowly approached it. She paused for a moment and listened, trying to pick up any sign of Clarke being awake or not. When she heard nothing she lifted a hand and slowly drew back the curtain.

Lexa had no time to react when Clarke immediately charged her with a dagger held to her throat. She backed her to the wooden table and Lexa’s breathing hitched as her gaze shifted from Clarke’s eyes down to the weapon and back up again.

Lexa swallowed and stated calmly, “Good morning, Clarke.”

“Cut the pleasantries, Lexa,” Clarke spat. “What are you doing here? Erik sent for you?”

“He sent word to me of your arrival and I chose to come.” Lexa took a deep breath. “I needed to see you.”

Clarke scoffed. “You make it sound like you care. What a joke.” She pressed the blade harder against Lexa skin, almost enough to draw blood.

Lexa gasped. “Clarke,” she pleaded.

“Yes, Commander?” the blonde jeered.

Lexa closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them again her expression had softened to one of concern.

“How are you coping? Are you alright?”

Clarke was genuinely confused. “What? What do you mean?”

Lexa sighed. “I mean the Mountain. Are you coping with the repercussions of what happened there? With what you had to do?”

Clarke scowled and tightened her grip on the dagger. “You know, you’ve got a lot of nerve to come and ask me that. Why don’t you ask how I’m coping with what  _ you _ did at the Mountain?”

“Well, the dagger at my neck made that answer obvious, so I skipped the question.”

Clarke shook her head. “Unbelievable. I’m about to slit your throat and you’re still a smart ass.”

“Clarke,” Lexa pleaded again. “Put that down and let me talk to you.  _ Please _ .” Lexa looked her straight in the eye. “My heart has ached every day since the Mountain for the decision I made.”

Clarke’s lip quivered and she dropped the blade on the table. She doubled over and grabbed her side as though she was holding herself together. After several heavy breaths she looked back up at Lexa with tears in her eyes.

“How could you leave me?” Clarke whispered. Her expression showed pain and fierce intensity. “We had worked so hard and sacrificed so much to get to where we stood outside the opened Mount Weather door and you threw that all away.”

Lexa just stood there slack-jawed, unsure of what to say. Clarke’s pain was mirrored in her eyes.

“Then my own people left me,” Clarke continued. “I had never felt more alone than in that moment.”

“But you survived, Clarke.” Lexa tried to be encouraging. “I hoped beyond all reason that that would be the case.”

“Stop acting like you care for me, Lexa!” Clarke growled. “What’s even in it for you to come here for this? Just let me be and leave me in peace. I know I’m here in your old home, but I won’t be for long. I won’t be another burden to anyone anymore.”

“So you plan to be a nomad wandering these lands with no home or people who love you?”

“Why. Do. You. Care.” Each word was punctuated with cynicism.

“I do care, Clarke!”

Clarke noted the sense of urgency in her voice. Lexa grabbed her chin and forced their eyes to meet.

“I want you as desperately as I wanted the Coalition, and I will fight just as hard for you. I will never again leave you like I did there.”

Clarke saw a fierce sincerity in the Commander’s eyes and could barely respond.

“You’re going to have to prove that,” she whispered.

“I will,” Lexa answered without hesitation. Her eyes dropped to Clarke’s lips and saw her breathing become heavy. She looked back to her eyes and saw the same longing she felt burning inside of her. Lexa’s hand was still cupping Clarke’s chin and she tilted it up. Their faces were only inches away and their eyes were locked. Clarke reached out and placed a hand on the Commander’s waist and both shivered at the touch.

“I want you too.” Clarke’s words were barely audible, but they were enough for Lexa to quickly close the small space between them as she pressed her lips onto Clarke’s.

Clarke immediately placed her other hand on Lexa’s back and pulled her warm, muscular body into her own. Lexa smiled and kissed her harder, letting her hands run through Clarke’s hair. They continued without speaking for several minutes, just allowing themselves to get reacquainted.

Lexa pulled her lips away just enough to look at Clarke. “Your bed.”

Clarke wasn’t sure if this was a question or not and just nodded because she couldn’t seem to form words anymore.

Lexa smiled and gave her a quick peck on the lips before effortlessly swooping Clarke off the ground. Clarke couldn’t help the gleeful laugh that escaped and again brought her lips to Lexa’s. Clarke was impressed by her ability to multitask as she continued kissing Clarke while quickly navigating to the next room.

With ease Lexa carefully lowered them both to the bed without their lips breaking contact.

“Mmm,” Clarke moaned. “You taste so good. I had forgotten.” She could feel Lexa smile and then gasped as Lexa’s hand slid over her pantline, under her shirt, and came to rest on her stomach.

Suddenly there was a loud knock at the door and the girls froze.   
  
“Erik?” Clarke mouthed, but Lexa shook her head knowing he wouldn’t be back so soon.

The voice that spoke chilled them both to the bone.

“Clarke,” called the woman’s voice. “Open this door. I need to speak with you.”

“Nia, that treacherous snake,” Lexa sneered. “She knows I’m here.”


	5. Vulnerable

“How does Nia know you’re here?” Clarke’s face was full of concern. “What is she going to do?”

Lexa shook her head. “I don’t know. She has spies everywhere and likely knows I left my camp. She also knows that you are here, so she’s probably going on a hunch that I would come to see you. Let’s just pray she doesn’t expect me to be here already.”

“Clarke, this is urgent!” Nia called again and knocked harder.

“Go,” Lexa told her. “Before she gets suspicious.”

Clarke nodded in understanding and replied, “Sorry, just a minute! I’m getting dressed!”

Clarke watched Lexa noiselessly roll off the bed and crouch down behind it. Her head suddenly popped up again.

“Clarke!” she hissed. “Hide my coat and boots!”

Clarke gave Lexa a thumbs up and rushed through the curtain. She found the coat and boots that hadn’t been there earlier and silently hid them out of sight next to a wooden bureau she was betting Erik carved himself.

Clarke took a deep breath and opened the front door. Nia immediately entered as though she owned the place.

“Good morning, Nia.” Clarke tried to sound pleasant without being too kind. “Erik stepped out a few minutes ago so I’m afraid I’ll have to be the host. Please take a seat. I can get you a drink if you like.”

Nia chuckled, and Clarke was relieved to see the Ice Queen didn’t seem too menacing today. “None of that is necessary, Clarke, though you do make a fine hostess. I’ll only be here for a few minutes, and I’m glad you’re alone.” She took a deep breath. “First I want to apologize for my... temper yesterday. Then I didn’t even find you a place to stay the night.”

Clarke waved her concerns away. “Please don’t worry about that at all. Luckily I ran into Erik and he had an extra bed for a traveler.”

An almost imperceptible twitch pulled at Nia’s mouth that was forced into a smile. “Lucky indeed. The old man has always been a gracious member of our village.”

“So you said you wanted to speak with me? About something urgent?” Clarke tried to redirect her focus.

“Yes. It’s about a former ally of both of ours.”

“The Commander?” Clarke tried to sound as aloof as possible.

"Yes. I have a feeling she may try to contact you soon, now that you've turned up once again."

"Not if she doesn't want my knife at her throat."

Nia flashed an amused smile. "Now, now, Clarke. Be careful in speaking against the Commander. She is very powerful and has ears everywhere."

Clarke shrugged. "I'm sure she does, but I don't think I'm in danger of that here."

"Perhaps not, but I'd hate to see you get hurt again." Nia tilted her head slightly, considering the girl in front of her. "You know, I think we could become friends, you and I. You should stay with us, and you will be more than welcome in my home. The standard of living there is a bit, well, higher. It would suit you well. I think we could learn a lot from each other."

Clarke looked down for a moment, trying to process everything the Ice Queen had just said.

“Nia, I am flattered by your hospitality and your offer, but I don’t think I’m ready to settle anywhere right now. Not yet. I need to keep moving and figure out exactly where I belong in this world. I need to find a place I’m not going to break.” Clarke surprised herself by how truthful that was.

Nia nodded. “I understand, and hope you eventually reconsider.”

She made her way toward the door and then turned to Clarke one more time. “And Clarke, I hope you’ll be on your guard around Lexa. She craves power and like it or not, your legendary status in these lands gives you great power. If she seeks to ally herself with you once more, just remember that her own agenda is always her first priority, which I believe you have learned firsthand. What’s more, she has a tendency to lose those that are closest to her. Be careful.”

Clarke gave an emotionless smile. “Thank you, Nia. I won’t forget your advice.”

As soon as Nia left, Clarke dropped herself into a chair by Erik’s table and let out a long breath. Lexa crept quietly through the curtain and Clarke opened her mouth to speak, but Lexa signaled for her to stay silent and waved her back into the bedroom. Lexa positioned herself cross legged on the bed, and Clarke couldn’t help smiling at the youthful pose. It was easy to forget that the all-powerful Commander of the 12 clans was likely only a few years older than herself.

“She could be listening,” Lexa explained with a whisper. “It’s best that we stay very quiet for now.”

Clarke grinned. “Then I should probably come a little closer.”

Lexa gave a faint smile as Clarke scooted herself so that her right hip grazed Lexa's left. But Lexa seemed distracted, lost in thought.

“Hey, you okay?” Clarke whispered as she swept a stray bit of Lexa’s hair behind her ear. Lexa gave a more genuine smile at the affectionate touch. It had been so long since she had felt that.

Clarke looked toward Lexa’s eyes until she returned that gaze. “You know that everything I said was just an act, right? And that I don’t believe or trust Nia at all?”

Lexa sighed. “But that’s just the thing. What makes her so dangerous is that she doesn’t outright lie, but rather speaks twisted truths. And I feel like that was an indirect threat toward you when she said I tend to lose those that are closest to me.”

“So you think she knows that you care about me? Even after the Mountain?”

Lexa shrugged. “I don’t know, but I bet she’s just trying to cover her bases with you in case it were to happen. She wants to gain your favor and turn you against me.”

Clarke shook her head. “Fat chance that’s going to happen. She didn’t even know I was lying to her face.”

“That was a pretty good act!” Lexa admitted. “It actually kind of stung...” She feigned a pained expression, and Clarke smacked her arm.

“Ha! I’ll take that as a compliment, thank you very much,” Clarke smirked. “I would make a pretty good spy for the Coalition, don’t you think?”

“You would indeed!” Lexa laughed. Then her expression became more serious. “I wouldn’t use you as a spy, though,” she said quietly as she looked down at her fidgeting hands. “I’d rather have you by my side.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “You mean, for everyone to see?”

“Yes,” Lexa responded plainly. “We don’t hide whom we care for.”

Clarke chewed her lower lip, unsure of how to respond.

Lexa sighed. “Do you not care for me like that? Is it still too soon? Or is this all moving too fast?”

Clarke shook her head. “No, it’s not that. Of course I care about you, Lexa. Or we wouldn’t both be here. And I wouldn’t have kept this up for the last hour.”

“Then what do you worry about? Is it because of the Mountain? Help me understand.”

Clarke couldn’t stand the sadness in her eyes. “It’s not the Mountain, though I would be lying if I said the pain from that was completely gone.”

Lexa’s head dropped, but Clarke lifted her chin so that their eyes met again. “Hey, I said it’s not because of that. Don’t forget that I literally had my knife at your throat earlier today, so I think we’ve made pretty good progress in our reconciliation.”

Lexa chuckled in spite of herself. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I know I can be pretty intense and I can’t imagine that’s easy to handle. Everything I do seems to be an all or nothing situation.”

“And I get that, Lexa, I really do. I mean, look at you.” Clarke let out a long breath and ran a hand through her hair. “You’re the Commander of the 12 clans. You’re basically the god of this world, and I won’t pretend that’s not just a little intimidating, everything that goes along with that.”

Lexa could see the overwhelmed look on Clarke’s face. “And I’m sure knowing the fate of the last person I loved doesn’t improve matters much.”

Clarke gave a reluctant nod. “Yeah, there’s that as well, along with Nia’s possible threat. I guess there are a lot of doubts running through my mind. Like how will our people react, knowing that the last time we were together was when our alliance was broken? And I would become the obvious target for anyone trying to hurt you. Plus, caring for me will make you emotionally vulnerable. You know that, and I’m not sure I can do that to you. You’re too important to the future of this world, Lexa. Erik told me about how long before you became Commander you had always dreamed of establishing peace and building schools and researching technology. If there is even the slightest chance that I would ruin that, I can’t do this.” Clarke gestured to the space between them. “I don’t want to risk it.”

Lexa closed her eyes and the prior sadness seemed to dissipate into resolve. “I hear you, Clarke, and completely understand. Your doubts are well-founded, and I would be a fool to deny it.”

Lexa paused for a moment, took a deep breath, and continued. “But I think you were right when you told me before that I was weak for hiding my emotions. I know that caring for you, and especially doing so openly, will make us both more vulnerable, but I believe that risk would be outweighed by the strength that we would gain together. I told you I would fight for you, Clarke, first and foremost because I care about you and admire you so much. I also want you by my side because I envision you being a powerful force for good in the future of this world as well - and you aren’t going to break it. You demonstrate a love for your people that isn’t as easy for me to convey. It is your warmth that draws them to you - what has drawn me to you - and I don’t want to lose that. I understand if you want us to wait, go slow, or keep this to ourselves for however long, but I don’t want to lose you again.”

A heavy silence rested between them for several seconds as they both processed everything that had been said. Clarke leaned into Lexa so that their foreheads were touching.

“Wow,” Clarke finally whispered. “I - I don’t even know how I can respond to that.”

“We can work out details later,” Lexa promised. “I just need to know if you are willing to try.”

Clarke couldn’t answer with words, and instead placed a hand on Lexa’s cheek and kissed her soft and long. The kiss was eagerly returned as Lexa rested her hand on Clarke’s thigh.

After a minute Clarke spoke again. “I want to try.”

Lexa pulled back to look in her eyes and smiled. “I’m glad. It’s a bit terrifying, though, don’t you think?”

Clarke laughed. “It is. But I think that also makes it exhilarating, don’t you?”

Lexa flashed an even bigger smile and nodded. “Yes, agreed. Now let’s get up - Erik’s coming back.”

Clarke looked puzzled. “How in the world would you -” She was cut off by the sound of Erik’s heavy boot and crutch just outside the door and a moment later he was in the house.

Lexa just gave an amused shrug at Clarke’s face and stepped through the curtain to greet him. “Papa! Welcome back.”

Clarke couldn’t even handle how adorable it was to hear the Commander speaking like that with her father, and she stepped in the room just in time to see the wide grin that spread across his face.

“How I’ve missed hearing that when I come home.” He glanced Clarke’s way when she appeared. “I take it the two of you are... on speaking terms?”

Lexa opened her mouth to respond but Clarke got there first.

_ Why the hell not? _ Clarke thought to herself as she stepped up beside Lexa and took her hand, surprising all three of them.

“You can definitely say that,” Clarke grinned and then laughed at seeing both of their expressions.

Lexa gave her the most endearing look Clarke could have imagined and squeezed back. She then turned to Erik. “I hope you’ve gotten to know her a little, Papa. Isn’t she wonderful?”

Erik’s eyebrows raised even higher in pleasant surprise. It had been a very long time since he had heard Lexa speak and act so tenderly. “She certainly is, my girl. I cannot tell you how happy this makes me.” He suddenly shook his head, bringing himself back to reality. “But you both should go. As soon as possible.”

Lexa’s expression immediately changed to concern but she didn’t drop Clarke’s hand. “What is it? Nia?”

Erik nodded. “She believes that you are coming, and she’s added guards around the gate to alert her when you do. It’s lucky you came as soon as you did. She doesn’t expect that you are here now, so you should be able to leave without running into trouble.”

“But what would she do?” Clarke asked. “You’re the Commander, Lexa. Can’t you come and go as you please throughout the clans  _ you _ rule over?”

“I wish it were always that easy,” Lexa replied. “I certainly wouldn’t normally come here without my guards, but that’s exactly the situation I’m in now. We must go, Clarke. Now.”

“But where? How?”

“Just get your things and follow me. Put on this warmer coat.” She looked to Erik. “We’ll go to the place and I’ll send you word when I can.”   


Erik nodded. “Take care, my daughter.” The two embraced and Erik kissed her head. “Go swiftly and safely.”   
  
“I will, Papa. Thank you.”


	6. Refuge

“We’re almost to the end, Clarke. Hang on.”

“It’s a good thing I trust you, Lexa, or I’d swear you were going to kill me at any second.”

Clarke heard a faint chuckle up ahead of her.

“Well, that’s the fun of it, isn’t it?”

“You and I have very different interpretations of ‘fun’, Commander.”

They had been crawling on their hands and knees for about 30 yards in the pitch black nothingness of a tunnel-like cave that was only wide enough for one. And it was cold.

“Nearly there. Sharp right just ahead. Feel the wall so you know where it is.”

Clarke found the curve in the rock surface and followed it. She realized her knees would have been cut up if the bottom of the cave tunnel had been anywhere near as rough as the walls; it clearly had been worn mostly smooth from many trips just like this one.

Clarke’s curiosity was about to form into questions when Lexa cheerfully announced, “We’re here! Just a little further and you’ll be able to stand up. Take my hand.”

Clarke reached out blindly until she found Lexa’s hand. She was pulled just a few feet more.

“Okay, we made it! Go ahead and stand, but close your eyes until I tell you to open them.”

“Close my eyes, Lex? You know there’s nothing to see, right?”

“Then how do I know you’re rolling your eyes?” Lexa teased from further away.

“Lucky guess!”  _ Damn, does she know me that well already? _

“Just keep them closed!”

“Alright! Sheesh!” A full minute passed and Clarke couldn’t hear anything except the occasional rustle of movement somewhere not too far from her. Could she smell smoke?

“Lexa, what are you doing? I don’t think I like this...”

Lexa laughed. “Almost there... Okay, open your eyes!”

Clarke looked around in slack-jawed awe. “Oh my god. This is  _ amazing. _ ” 

“Isn’t it? I’m pretty proud of it. The only shame is that I can’t spend more time here. This is my refuge, my getaway, my safe place.”

From the outside, Lexa’s cave hadn’t seemed like anything extraordinary. The entrance had a wide opening that was deep enough that you had to take a few steps to get to the end. Lexa kept a small metal chest there with some basic supplies and not much else. But at the opposite side of the back wall there was a tunnel that was covered by a large stone you had to push away to discover the entrance. This was what Lexa had led Clarke through that ended in the spacious room they now stood in.

Clarke felt giddy with excitement and made a full circle to take it all in. “Lexa, this is unbelievable. How... Just how does this place even exist?”

“Well, I found the cave when I was a young girl and still lived in this village. I would come here to play or just to have some time to myself. It actually took me a year to discover the cave. It scared me at first, but one day I decided I had to explore it, so I brought a torch and followed the tunnel all the way to this.” She held out her hands, gesturing to her own little kingdom. “I didn’t create all this though. Someone else did, who knows how long ago.”

“Maybe a manmade bunker to ride out the bombs,” Clarke suggested.

“Perhaps. I just knew it had been a long time since anyone had been here because of the thick dust everywhere. That little wooden table was already here, as were the candles, matches, blankets, and some of the supplies in the chest I have back in the outer opening of the cave. I brought in these animal furs along with water, dried food, and a couple books.  And the clothes there in the corner. I could blend into just about any clan or environment with those.”

Clarke’s eyes were still full of wonder. “Amazing. It’s too bad this isn’t more centrally located among all the clans so you can use it more easily.”

“Yes, and no,” Lexa countered. “I think it’s safer because it’s on the outskirts and is so infrequently used. This isn’t my only safe house, but it’s certainly my favorite.”   
  
“You have  _ more _ places like this?” Clarke was dumbfounded, and Lexa chuckled at her reaction.

“Yes, but none quite as grand. There are a couple caves, treehouses, and underground rooms. They have very basic supplies - food, water, clothes. This is the only one where I could actually stay for days. The only one I would care about getting discovered.”

“I don’t blame you.” Clarke admired the place for a few moments until her eyes landed on the pile of blankets and animal furs that looked incredibly comfortable. “Do you mind if I sit down here?”

“Of course not, Clarke. Bringing you here makes it just as much yours as it is mine.” Lexa would never let it show, but inviting Clarke to see the one place that was only hers was a bit terrifying. What if something broke them apart and they became hostile towards each other once again? This place would be forever compromised and could never be reclaimed. Lexa doubted she could ever find something quite like this again. But this was all part of the leap of faith she was taking by not hiding her emotions.

Clarke let out a long, contented sigh as she laid down. “This is probably the most comfortable I’ve ever been in my entire life.”

Lexa chuckled. “Surely not your entire life.” She walked over and sat down facing Clarke, pulling her knees up to her chest. “You must have had a comfortable home on the Ark where you weren’t being hunted or out in the cold, foraging for your own food and water.”

“Not like you might think. There really was no space to spare and everything you had was at least a hundred years old. Food was rationed and bland. And I spent my last year on the Ark locked up in solitary confinement, which was not comfortable at all.”

Lexa studied her face. “Why were you locked up? I had heard that those of you on the first dropship had been prisoners, but I never heard why.”

“Well, we were all there for different things. I was locked up by myself because I knew a secret about the Ark that no one in charge wanted the rest of the people to find out. My father was the engineer who discovered the Ark was failing and wouldn’t be able to support life for much longer. He felt like everyone had the right to know, and had hope that if we all put our minds together we could figure out a solution. He wasn’t willing to stay quiet about it all, so they floated him. I knew everything and wanted to still get his message out there, so they locked me up without being able to interact with anyone. They didn’t execute me because I wasn’t legally an adult yet. With the Ark failing, the kids that got their retrials at 18 didn’t even stand a chance to be pardoned. They were all floated. Of course, no one else knew that they had no hope, but I did. I knew that when my 18th birthday came, that would be my last day alive. Luckily they sent us down here one month before then.”

Lexa had maintained a contemplative expression until that last point and her eyes widened in surprise.. “One month? You would have been executed already...”

“I know. Crazy, right? I try to remember that when I feel like life down here has become unbearable. I remember that I literally wouldn’t even be alive if I weren’t here. Helps put things in perspective.”

Lexa just nodded and kept her eyebrows furrowed.

Clarke continued, “You know, Erik told me a lot about you when you were younger.” She couldn’t help smiling. “When I heard his stories it was kind of hard to believe that the little girl he was talking about was the fearsome, unyielding Commander. But being with you today and seeing you here... I don’t know. You’re different. I feel like I can see the old you.”

Lexa smiled, almost looking bashful. “Being with Erik and being here makes me feel like the old me. I’m trying to remember my life before my whole world changed... Before I left.”

Clarke wasn’t sure how much she could ask and what was taboo about Lexa’s past. Really she would have loved Lexa to just tell her life story. She decided to start with a question.

“Why did you leave?”

Lexa sighed and closed her eyes. After a moment she opened them again but kept her gaze down. “I don’t even know where to start. This isn’t something I’ve really ever talked about before. It’s my own story, but I don’t know how to tell it.”

“That’s okay,” Clarke assured her. She reached out and placed a hand on top of Lexa’s. “I just want to get to know you better. I want to know how you’ve become the person you are now.”

Lexa met her gaze and smiled, intertwining her fingers with Clarke’s. She pondered for a moment, then gave her answer.

“Then I think I need to start with her... It’s time I finally tell you about Costia.”


	7. Costia

_Eleven years ago..._

“Hey, this is a cool spy lookout!”

10-year-old Lexa nearly fell off the branch she had been leisurely lying on facedown, watching the scene below her. “Oh my gosh,” she whispered, trying to catch her breath as she sat up and turned to face the intruder. “What are you doing here? You scared me almost literally to my death. Who are you?”

The girl giggled. “You have a lot to say for Azgeda.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, your people aren’t known for being very talkative.”

Lexa’s eyebrows furrowed. “We aren’t all the same.”

“That’s true. Everyone’s different. And I’m sorry I scared you. But I am Trikru, after all, so you can’t be surprised that I was up in a tree - I was surprised that _you_ were here!”

Lexa shrugged. “Hardly anyone here climbs the trees, so I’m usually on my own when I do, which is nice sometimes. Especially when I come to watch the trade here at the marketplace because I’m really not supposed to be here right now...”

The other girl’s eyes lit up. “That’s because you’re a warrior, right? At least training to be one. I can tell by your clothes.”

Lexa nodded with a small grin. “Yeah, I am. I have a break from training right now for lunch, and normally I don’t leave, but I love to watch this, even for just a little while.”

The girl smirked. “That’s funny. What do you like so much about the trade? Is it just because you aren’t supposed to be here? I totally get that.”

Lexa didn’t like the idea of this stranger trying to understand her motives. “Now you’re the one with all the questions,” she teased to avoid answering. “But you never told me who you are.”

“I’m Costia,” she said in a chipper tone. “I just became an apprentice carpenter in my village, so this is my first time to accompany the trade caravan here. It’s so cool coming to a different clan!”

Lexa couldn't help the smile that tugged at her lips at seeing the girl’s excitement. “This is pretty cool,” she agreed. “Your people look and talk kind of funny. I like to see the differences.”

Costia gasped in mock offense and smacked Lexa playfully. “I can’t believe how rude you are! But you are Azgeda after all...”

“Hey!” Lexa laughed. “Who’s the one being rude now?”

“Well, that would still be you,” Costia pointed out, “because you haven’t told me _your_ name yet.”

“Oh, right. I’m Lexa.”

“Lexa,” the girl repeated. “I like that name.”

“Thanks.”

They stared at each other for a moment, not quite sure of what else to say. Neither of them had really ever met someone outside their clan.

“Well, I better get going,” Costia said hastily. “My mentor will probably be looking for me by now.”

“Right. Don’t want you getting in trouble.”

Costia chuckled. “Exactly. But I... Could we... Let’s meet up here again tomorrow, yeah? But maybe later after the market day is over? None of my friends are here, and it would be fun to actually have someone my age to talk to.”

Lexa smiled. “Yeah, that would be fun. I’ll be here at sunset.”

“Perfect! See you tomorrow, warrior girl.”

“Bye, tree girl.”

Lexa watched her effortlessly scurry down the tree and saunter back to the village center. She liked how Costia seemed to walk on air, light and flitting. Lexa scanned the group to see if that was how all of Trikru walked and she just hadn’t noticed before. It didn’t seem like that was the case, though; this girl was just her own young, carefree self.

Lexa had always been fascinated by the clans outside her own, although there were few occurrences besides this annual trade when she actually came in contact with them. There usually weren’t very many clans at any given time that had a peace treaty with her people. But whether for war or peace, Lexa knew that being a warrior would enable her to travel far and wide, and she had promised herself long ago that someday she would visit each of the eleven other clans.

Over the next two nights the girls spent hours and hours together long after the market day had ended. They discovered that they both had seen ten summers and neither of them liked raw carrots. Costia’s favorite meat was rabbit, but Lexa liked venison best. Lexa loved the color orange, which Costia didn’t care for at all, much preferring all shades of blue. Both had dark brown hair and were taller than the other kids their age. Costia had hardly ever touched a weapon, and Lexa couldn’t carve to save her life, no matter how many times Erik had tried to teach her. They talked and laughed for hours through the end of the third night when they knew their whimsical, whirlwind friendship was about to be put on hold.

“I have to leave early in the morning,” Costia groaned. “In just a few hours, actually.”

“I wish you didn’t have to,” Lexa admitted. “And there’s no way you can come back before next year?”

Costia shook her head. “Why would I? There’s no reason for my people to travel here.” She glanced up to meet Lexa’s gaze with a hopeful look. “Hey, but what about the autumn trade when your people go to my home?”

Now Lexa shook her head. “No, I wouldn’t go. I’m a warrior in training, not an apprentice like you.” She quickly lifted her head back up again. “But maybe in a couple years I can request to be part of the caravan guard that goes to your lands for the trade!”

Costia grinned, but the expression quickly fell. “A couple years? Yikes. So I’ll see you for three days each year until maybe in a couple years we can hang out for six days? A lot of fun that will be.” She rolled her eyes.

“Well, I don’t know what else we could do. I mean, sure our clans have a peace treaty, but we’re not exactly all best friends and can travel back and forth freely. Our truce is only a few years old.”

“I know that,” Costia said with a ‘duh’ kind of tone. She took a deep breath and her troubled features slowly softened. “But hey, I’m really glad I met you, warrior girl. This was already so neat to come to a new clan, and meeting you made it even better. You’ll just be like my mystery friend I get to see once a year.”

Lexa chuckled, but her heart wasn’t in it. She had never really had a friend like this before. Sure she got along with the other kids, but she never found it very easy to relate to them and make conversation for very long. Go figure she could only find that in a girl who came from a completely different place that she could only see for a few days a year.

“I’m glad too,” Lexa agreed. “But I wish you didn’t have to go because you’re way cooler than the other kids here!”

Costia let out a hearty laugh, then quickly covered her mouth to muffle the outburst, which only made them both break into a fit of quiet giggling.

Costia wiped tears from her eyes, still snickering. “You know, I have a feeling you’re going to get me into trouble one day. And I’ve never caused trouble a day in my life.”

“Ha! I don’t believe that for one second!” Lexa retorted. “You’re way too sassy to not be a troublemaker. I bet you’re the one all the Trikru parents tell their kids to watch out for.”

“Whatever! I bet that’s you because you beat all the kids up.”

“Only the ones who deserve it...” Lexa replied with a sly grin.

Costia chuckled again and then gave a deep sigh. “Alright, you bully, I better go and try to get some sleep. I probably won’t see you in the morning, will I?

Lexa shook her head. “Afraid not, troublemaker. I’ll be at training bright and early, and I can already tell I’ll be hurting from all this lack of sleep!”

Costia looked down guiltily. “Sorry about that. I hope it doesn’t really affect you too much. I know how intense training is for the warriors, and how much relies on your performance.”

“Hey, don’t worry,” Lexa insisted, grabbing Costia’s hand to help convey her sincerity.

Costia smiled reluctantly. “Okay, I won’t.” She gave Lexa’s hand a quick squeeze in return before standing up and positioning herself to climb down from their hideout. She started down, but just before her head was out of sight, she added, “See you next year, new friend?”

Lexa nodded with a smile. “Same time, same place! See you then, new friend.”

* * *

The next two years followed in much the same fashion, with each spring adding layers to the girls’ friendship and light and laughter to the lives. At twelve years old Lexa was finally able to request an assignment in escorting the trade caravan to Trikru each autumn, and she couldn’t have been more thrilled. Visiting the territory of the Woods Clan was literally a dream come true for the young warrior, and she was enchanted by the place and people. They were generally much warmer and more welcoming than her own people, and there was so much more laughter there. More children out playing. More villagers interacting with each other. Lexa loved these people and was even more sad about the end of each autumn trade ending than the spring one.

When the girls were 14, Lexa had had enough of the stupid politics that kept them apart.

“Lexa, calm down,” Costia urged. “There’s nothing we can do about all that. Not right now at least.”

It was the third night of the trade and the girls were up in a small tree house Costia had made herself. Lexa was pacing the small area of floor as she vented.

“Why not? Why should they be able to dictate how we live our lives and spend our time? Our clans have had peace for years. There are bound to be other Azgeda and Trikru who are friends, right? Do they feel the same way?”

Costia shrugged. “If there are any others, I certainly haven’t heard about them. Maybe they’re like us. We’ve kept our friendship a secret out of fear of being kept apart. We should be grateful we know each other at all. It really is just random coincidence we even met.”

“C’mon, you can’t believe it was just random. I’ve never met anyone like you, Costia. No one I’ve ever felt so connected to. That can’t just be coincidence. I’m sure we were meant to be friends.”

Costia nodded. “No, I completely agree. I didn’t mean I don’t think we were supposed to meet. I’m just saying we should be glad we know each other at all.”

“You’re right,” Lexa admitted reluctantly. “As usual.”

“I know,” Costia replied with a wink. “But c’mon warrior girl, don’t tell me you’re going to give up without a fight.”

That puzzled Lexa. “What do you mean? You think we should fight this? Or that we could?”

“Maybe not right now. But I have to be honest with you, Lex, and I really think you are destined to be more than just a warrior. You’re already just about the greatest warrior of your entire nation.”

Lexa was taken aback. “How would you know anything about my training or ranking? We haven’t talked about any of that.”

Costia chuckled. “You think you’re the only one who hears things? It’s been at least the last couple of years that I’ve heard our warriors returning from the joint arena games your clan hosts saying that you are the most skilled warrior they’ve ever seen of our age group, and one of the best of any age. You’re kind of legendary, actually.”

Lexa blushed. “They are definitely exaggerating.”

Costia just smirked. “Something tells me they aren’t. Besides, I know you’ve already fought in wars and not only survived, but had a strategic impact on the outcome of different battles. You’re important, Lexa, and you’ll only become more so with time. Just think of the influence you can have if you become a chief in your nation. Or even the leader.”

Lexa held her hands up in protest. “Whoa, there. I think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself. Me, become the Azgeda leader? I don’t want to lead. Leaders have to make too many sacrifices. I’d be happy being an influential warrior for the rest of my life.”

“But, Lexa, you despise the leaders of your clan!”

“Shhh! Don’t say that out loud! I don’t care if we’re up in this tree. I’d be killed for treason if the wrong person heard that.”

“Nia wouldn’t kill her best warrior,” Costia stated plainly. “You’re too important.”

“Oh, you don’t know her like I do. She is cruel and brutal. She is the example I have for what a leader is, and I don’t want to be that.”

“But you know that’s not the only way,” Costia insisted.

“But I seem to be the only one with a conscience. I can’t even tell you how hard that is. I know leaders have to make difficult choices, but they take things too far - command their warriors to do awful things.”

“Then give it up,” Costia suggested bluntly. “Give up the army and live your life as a normal villager.”

Lexa laughed at how ridiculous the idea was. “Leave? You’re kidding, right? How could you even suggest that? There are a million reasons why that’s a bad idea. And I’ve known for as long as I can remember that I was meant to be a warrior, Costia. My whole life. Plus, the moment I renounced my responsibility, I would be killed.”

Costia shook her head. “I still don’t believe Nia would actually kill you.”

“That’s just how she works. Besides...” Lexa hesitated, trying to choose her next words carefully. “I know I’m supposed to be a warrior because... I have seen it in a vision.”

Costia raised an eyebrow in surprise. “What kind of vision? Have you had them before?”

“Not quite like this. It was like a dream but so much stronger, so much more real, and it has come to me several times so I know I’m not just imagining it. It doesn’t give me many details, but I see myself as a powerful warrior with a mission to perform. I don’t know what it is or why it is, but each time I feel driven to get something accomplished. My vision hasn’t shown me what that is yet, but this is why I’ve worked so hard to become as good as I am. I want to be ready to do whatever it is I’m meant to do with my life.”

“But you see!” Costia said with excitement. “I told you I knew you’re meant to be so much more. This is it! And I’m certain whatever this mission is will help to bring greater freedom and peace for our people. For us.”

Lexa dropped her head in her hands. “I wish that could be true. But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now, Cos. I haven’t seen my vision for years or felt compelled to go in any certain direction. So I’ve just been training and doing what I know until I find the answers.”

Both girls remained silent for a few minutes, pondering everything. Lexa could see her friend was thinking deeply and her furrowed eyebrows indicated she felt troubled.

“Costia?” she whispered. “I know something’s bothering you. What is it?”

Costia met her gaze, and Lexa could see her troubled look had become almost one of fear.

“I know this is going to sound crazy, Lex, but... what if you stay with me? Here. Leave Azgeda and the cruelty of their leadership behind and be with me.”

Lexa was too stunned to even speak for a few moments. “Leave? Oh, Costia. You know I want to be with you more than anywhere else, but that could never be possible! Even though I distrust Nia, she is one of my greatest supporters. She takes great pride in having me as her own. I have felt for some time that the queen may even plan to make me her second, but I have felt so torn because I don’t think I can do that.”

“But don’t you see, Lex? This is why you feel torn. You aren’t meant to become the Azgeda leader, which is where your current path is leading you. You are meant to come here.” Costia started to get more excited with her theory. “This is why we met, Lexa! That’s why all of this has happened, and why you love it here so much. You are meant to become one of us...” Her voice hushed to a reverent tone. “Maybe even one of our leaders someday.”

Lexa was shaking her head. This was all way too much to process at once.

Costia continued, “And that’s why your path remains unclear - you are stuck under Nia’s imposing reign. I think you won’t learn more about your future until your circumstances have changed.” Costia’s excitement quickly ceased as a new thought came to mind. “Unless, of course, you really don’t want to live here and I’m just making a fool of myself.”

Lexa stopped pacing and stood directly in front of Costia, putting her hands on her friend’s shoulders. “It’s not that. You aren’t a fool at all. You’re brilliant, in fact. But this idea terrifies me.”

“Well, think about it over these next six months until the next market in your lands. And I don’t care if it takes you longer than that. I can keep you hidden when we leave with my people, and we’ll be long gone before yours know you’re missing.”

“They’ll know I’m here. Some of them know how I love the trade and your people. But I don’t think they know about you.”

“Who cares what they know? You’ll be safe with my people. With me.”

Lexa was thrilled and tormented by the idea. “I have a horrible feeling they won’t just let me go. They will call me a traitor and come for me. And if your people try to protect me, there’s no telling what mine will do.”

Costia lifted Lexa’s chin and looked her straight in the eyes. “None of that matters, and we have no way to tell what will happen. Lexa, all that matters is your happiness and your future. You shouldn’t be obligated to anyone but yourself and the people you care about.”

“But I do care about my people. I just don’t trust some of our leaders.”

Costia gave a small smile, and Lexa noted that she was still holding her chin. “Well, perhaps someday you will change all of that and unite all the clans. The idea has been talked about before. Someone could bring us all together.”

Lexa softly shook her head. “I don’t know that my heart could bear such a burden.”

“Well, you certainly don’t have to worry about all of that right now. I care about you, Lexa, and I know that you are not truly happy with your way of life, so change it. You cannot grow within your comfort zones, so step out of them.” Costia paused thoughtfully for a moment and added, “Do you trust me?”

Lexa closed her eyes and considered the question. Her training as a warrior had taught her not to trust, only to obey. But it didn’t take Lexa long to know her answer. She nodded and opened her eyes to find Costia’s face mere inches away from hers.

“I do trust you,” Lexa whispered as she closed the space between them with the kiss both had wanted for so long but neither had realized until that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really loved writing this chapter and exploring what the beginnings of this relationship could have been... Thanks to those who made it this far! Did anyone read it in one sitting? I'd be impressed! ;) So now that you're all caught up, I'd love to hear your feedback. What you think of the story so far, any suggestions for improving my writing, and what you'd hope to see from the rest of it. I feel like I'm getting close to the end of this story I first envisioned, so unless I get some crazy idea I want to run with, there will probably be just a few chapters more and then I'll get started on my next fic. Thanks for reading! xoxo


	8. A New Destination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long break before this update. I haven't touched this fic since before season 3 started and then I just kind of got swept up in that story. I am ending the fic with this chapter because it will have fulfilled its purpose, which really was twofold: reconcile Clexa and give our Heda a more in depth backstory. So I hope you enjoy the end of this one and will stay tuned for more to come! Thank you to everyone who came along for any part of this ride, and especially to those who are finishing it. xoxo

"Lexa, I don't know if I can stand to hear the rest."

Lexa gave a perplexed look. "Why not?"

"Because..." Clarke fumbled for the right words. "Because I know what's coming."

"No, I doubt anyone has told you this full story before. And certainly not from my perspective."

"But I know what happens... to her."

"Ah." Lexa nodded in understanding. "What happens to Costia."

"Yes. It just breaks my heart hearing how sweet and pure your relationship was and then knowing eventually what happens to her."

Lexa remained stoic as ever. "It breaks your heart?"

Clarke cringed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

Lexa waved off the apology and showed a small smirk. "Don't worry, Clarke. I've had plenty of time to come to terms with all of this. It's been almost four years now since I lost her."

"Maybe so, but she's still a part of you. The people we've loved always are."

Lexa nodded in silent agreement.

Clarke couldn't remember when they had gone from sitting to lying down facing each other, but she liked this arrangement much better. Some of Lexa's hair had fallen down by Clarke's hand and she started twisting it around her fingers. She liked this feeling of comfort they had settled into with each other.

"So you decided to leave after the next trade? When it was in your village?"

"Yes. I knew I wanted to be with Costia, so that was the path I needed to pursue. Those few months leading up to the trade felt like an interminable wait for me. I immersed myself more fully into training to distract myself and keep my nerves steady. If I had spent too much time dwelling on the plan and all the 'what ifs' that could happen, I would have gone crazy. And it terrified me to imagine what it would be like on the wrong side of Nia's wrath, when that same fierceness had always been my ally and support. Yet despite everything in my head that told me this was foolish, I was following my heart and knew that would place me on the path I was destined to follow - the path that would see my visions fulfilled."

Clarke wondered if this was the first time Lexa had chosen her heart over her head.

"Then after months of painful waiting, the Trikru caravan finally arrived. The first two nights of the trade Costia and I talked late into the night, finalizing each minute detail of our plan and making sure this was what we really wanted to do. It was, of course, but we were both concerned for the other, knowing that our act would be seen as treasonous by Nia and that she literally would not let me go without a fight."

"You both were incredibly brave," Clarke said. "Even for being so young."

"Perhaps, but honestly as a warrior I don't think I really knew what it meant to be young and have a childhood," Lexa replied thoughtfully. "Sure, I would sometimes play with other children in the village my age, but most of them were not warriors and we didn't seem to have a lot in common. When I had free time I much preferred to spend it with my family or reading and studying ancient governments and warfare. I didn't completely realize how different I was from my peers until I met Costia."

A faint smile danced across Lexa's lips. "She was so full of life, and even through all the adversity she faced in her time, she never wore it in her countenance. She chose to find the good in any situation, and just seeing that in her made me want to reflect it as well. And-" Lexa stopped abruptly and stared at Clarke. "What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Clarke laughed. "Nothing! I'm sorry, it's just... It's good to see you smile. And to see this side of you. You know, there could be more people who liked you if you let them see you like this..."

Lexa raised an eyebrow. "And you really think that would get me the respect and fear I have to maintain as Heda?" She shook her head. "The Coalition is still so young, and any good ruler knows that you have to start out with a firm, unyielding hand to thwart mutiny and get the results you want. Only when order has truly been established can a leader let a more personable side come through. That time has not yet come for me."

Clarke nodded. She understood Lexa's point of view, though she thought she sometimes took it to the extreme. But then again, Clarke had never tried to unite twelve clans encompassing thousands of people, so she decided not to question the Commander's methods.

Lexa continued, "Anyway, the third day of the trade finally came and I remember feeling so anxious about what we were going to do. But all I wanted was to be with Costia. You may think we were quite young then, but I had already loved her for years. It certainly wasn't romantic from the beginning, but it just grew and grew until I realized she was the one I would always want to have by my side. She was the one I knew I would think of as I went to battle, the one for whom I would fight to stay alive. She was my inspiration, my drive, my passion... my everything."

Clarke smiled. "It's amazing how much one person can influence you."

Lexa nodded and silence fell between them for a few moments before she continued her story. "Everything worked as we had planned that last day of the trade. I snuck away with the Trikru caravan and made it into their lands. It was after the third straight absence from training that Nia's alarm was raised and she went to my home to inquire after me. When my father admitted that I had been missing for several days, she was furious. She demanded to know why my disappearance hadn't been immediately reported, and my father said he hoped I would return soon on my own."

"Erik told me he pointed Nia in the right direction, though," Clarke said. "That you could be found with Trikru."

"Yes, he did, and I don't fault him for it. Giving Nia some viable information was likely what kept him and Augie alive. It was only a matter of time before she found out anyway." Lexa took a deep breath. "So Nia sent several warriors to the borders of the Woods Clan to demand they give up me, the traitor. The Trikru clan leader denied them, saying I should be free to chart the course of my own life, just like anyone else. Queen Nia expected this kind of foolish response, as she called it, and soon sent an army to retaliate. They leveled an entire village that was unable to make it to safety in time."

"No!" Clarke gasped. "They massacred an entire village of innocent people just because you were seeking refuge in their clan?"

Lexa only nodded in response.

"That's more than ruthless," Clarke said, "that's pure evil."

"And yet people who commit such atrocities always feel they are in the right," Lexa replied.

"That doesn't make it right."

"No, but it certainly showed she was serious with her threats."

"And Trikru still kept you safe?"

"Yes. Not everyone in the clan agreed with that choice, especially after the massacre, but I think the Trikru leader and many others were tired of the tenuous treaty between the two clans that was mainly dictated by Nia. Tired of bending to her every whim, so this was also their way of finally taking a stand against her and refusing to back down."

"But Trikru won, right? I mean, you continued to live with them and were mentored by Anya."

Lexa arched an eyebrow in amusement. "Are you the type of person who can't help reading the end of a book first? You don't want to wait and hear the whole story first?"

Clarke chuckled. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to cut your story short, I'm just inferring what the ending must have been based on what I already know. That's hardly the same thing."

Lexa tried to restrain a smile. "Whatever you say, Clarke kom Skaikru. And to answer your question, yes, Nia did eventually back off, but this sparked a feud between the two people, the effects of which are still felt to this day, Coalition or not."

"How did you manage to create the Coalition?"

Lexa sighed. "Much blood was spilled to bring it about. First I became to Trikru leader after the previous one was killed in battle. In Trikru the next leader is always chosen among the existing chief's seconds. The chiefs themselves already have their appointed place, so it is from the seconds that the previous leader's spirit will choose its successor. If a second feels moved to appoint him or herself, then they declare their candidacy and if any other second disagrees, they fight them for the title."

Clarke sat up excitedly. "No way. So you put yourself out there as a candidate."

"Yes. Anya encourage me to and I knew it was right. It felt like something I was meant to do."

"And did any of the other seconds challenge you?"

"Oh yes," Lexa chuckled. "They didn't all agree with an 'outsider' becoming their leader, though Anya argued in my defense that I was the only member of our clan who actually chose to join it - the rest were all there by default."

"I bet that shut some of them up."

"It did, but not all. One of the other seconds challenged me to fight for the title. He was very skilled and larger than me, but I was the better warrior and bested him within minutes."

Clarke laughed. "Of course you did!"

Lexa smiled and stood to stretch. "I think it's time we leave the cave, Clarke. Enough time should have passed by now that we can return to the forest undetected."

"And then what?"

"Let's just take things one step at a time. My horse is tied not far from here."

"Okay. Lead the way, Commander."

Lexa continued her story as they started into the cave tunnel. "As Trikru leader I slowly began strengthening the alliances we did have among the other clans, but Azgeda was never willing to join us. After a year they were the only ones not part of my Coalition, and that was when Costia decided to take things into her own hands. There had been three attempts on my life in as many months and Costia said there were only two ways that would stop: either Nia or I had to die."

Clarke tried to keep her voice steady when her knee struck a sharp rock. "So what did she do?"

Lexa sighed. "Costia sent herself on an assassination mission."

"What? You let her do that?"

Lexa froze and Clarke nearly rammed into her. The space in the tunnel had already felt claustrophobic, and now the tension emanating from Lexa's body made the air even more thick.

"I'm sorry, Lex. I-"

"No. It's fine, Clarke." Lexa started moving forward again. "I did try to talk her out of it. Costia protested that she had already proved her worth as a spy many times over - which she had - but I still didn't want her to do it. Of all people, not her. Not the one I cared about most. She argued that that was exactly why she should go. She cared for my safety just as much and swore this was the only way it could be secured."

They reached the end of the tunnel and Lexa pushed aside the large boulder that concealed the exit. Clarke groaned in relief as she stretched and took a deep breath of fresh air. They continued in silence until they reached Lexa's horse, mounted it together, and took off through the woods.

"What happened after that?" Clarke finally chanced speaking again once they had ridden several minutes away from Azgeda's walls. She sat behind Lexa and clung to her as they rode.

"Costia's self-appointed mission went awry. We unknowingly harbored one of Nia's spies within our war meetings - a member of Trikru who was a traitor and had joined the treacherous queen - and so she came to know of Costia's plan before she even left. She never stood a chance. After Costia was killed, the eleven clans unanimously agreed to go to war against Nia. It was after many lives were lost and we captured her son that she finally relented and agreed to join my Coalition. Then I was named Heda of all the clans."

"It's incredible that you made it happen, but I'm sorry for what you had to lose to achieve your dream."

The brunette was silent for a moment before responding. "Thank you, Clarke, but it has been many years since then. And I suppose knowing Costia's fate is part of why I was so skeptical about your plan to send Bellamy on a one-man mission into Mount Weather. I had placed my faith in a similar endeavor once, with a drastically different outcome."

"I don't blame you. We were lucky it worked."

"And now the Mountain is gone. I still can hardly believe it. You managed to do what we never could." Lexa sighed. "I'm sorry I left you, Clarke. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. I hope you know that."

Clarke wrapped her arms tighter around Lexa's waist. "You don't have to apologize for that anymore, Lex. We're past that now. What's done is done."

Lexa nodded and silence fell between them for several minutes.

"So where are we headed?" Clarke asked.

"I will take you back to your people. I'm sure your mother is worried about you."

Clarke thought for a moment before responding. "I have a better idea."

Lexa's head turned so she could see Clarke out of the corner of her eye. "Where else would you go?"

Clarke smiled. "Do you remember what you asked me when we stood together outside Mount Weather?"

"I asked what you would do after it was over, and you said you didn't know - that you couldn't think about that yet."

Clarke nodded. "Well, I've had a lot of time to think since then. What did you tell me after that?" She felt Lexa's body stiffen.

"I... I said you should come with me to the capital."

"Yes," Clarke said, then leaned in closer to whisper into Lexa's ear, "take me to Polis."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. We can send a rider to let my mother know I'm safe, but I'm not ready to go back there yet, Lex. I don't quite feel like I belong anymore. Eventually I will go back, but I don't think my future is there with them."

"And you think your future is in Polis, Clarke? A place you have never seen?"

"Honestly, I've never imagined my future to be one place or another. But I do think my future could be with a person."

Lexa hardly knew how to interpret what she was hearing. "Clarke..."

"I want to be with you, Lexa."

"Even after everything that has happened?"

Clarke laughed. "You do remember you just saved my life, right? And you remember everything we've accomplished together?"

"Yes, but-"

"No buts, Lexa." Clarke squeezed her toso again. "We are much more than one choice. You are the leader of thousands who chose to save those people. But even still, you're so much more than just that."

Lexa took a deep breath. "It's a lonely place being that kind of leader. That's where I've been for years. Then you literally crash-land into my life and somehow march right up to my side, and no matter where you have physically gone since then, Clarke, in my mind you've been right there from the very beginning."

Clarke stayed silent, not sure of how to respond to the confession.

Lexa smiled and moved one hand from the reigns and placed it on Clarke's. "You are my equal, Clarke. I'm drawn to you for so many reasons, but maybe most of all because I feel that you complement me so well. You are what I am not. You have what I don't. You've helped me understand what I've been too blind to see." She paused, trying to figure out how to convey what was on her mind. "I think Costia helped me learn how to love, while you are teaching me what love truly is. That it's not something to be shut on and off, but rather a power to be channelled. Love is not weakness. Hiding it is. You've shown me that."

Clarke smiled. "You've shown me that too," she whispered. "Thank you for coming back for me."

"Thank you for wanting me."

Clarke leaned forward to place a light kiss on the back of Lexa's neck. "So is that a yes, Commander? Will you take me to the capital? Maybe it will change the way I think of you," she teased.

Lexa laughed and gave Clarke's hand a quick squeeze before taking back the reigns and urging her horse on faster. "Yes, Clarke. Let's go to Polis."

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